Toddler Talk

Hilarious kid quips and comments. You can’t just make this stuff up!


just a little something...

The toddler stage is just as wonderful as it is challenging, and as they learn to become independent big kids who can do everything by themselves, they also learn the art of self-expression. Their language becomes clearer, the world around them makes more sense, and their own ideas and concepts begin formulating. What an incredibly fascinating time to watch the personality of these little people unfold before your eyes!


Perhaps the best part is their sheer honesty (for better or worse), candor and inquisitive nature. Parents are typically too consumed in the moment to write everything down, but we love the unexpected laughter that sprinkles our everyday when a child asks or says a certain something in his/her unique perspective. It’s time that someone started writing down the best and most hilarious anecdotes! So I did. Enjoy!

Thank you to all of the special people in my life who have contributed with their latest and greatest kid humor!


…a very special merci beaucoup to my witty and wonderful little munchkins who light up my life every day!!

You have inspired me to continue writing and keep the laughter ever-present and smiles never-ending with this series of books!

Love to you all!

Thank you.

Ruthi Davis

Author, Toddler Talk

Table of Contents

  • toilet talk (5)
  • snot (16)
  • self-exploration (21)
  • food (27)
  • gas and other odors (35)
  • word play (41)
  • love (74)
  • death (87)
  • anything goes (94)
  • keep it fresh (110)

say what?

a preview

Pointing to the toilet, 5-year old says,

“Mommy, look! I made a snake!”

Moments later, 3-year old says,

“Mommy, look! Chicken nuggets!”

5-year old daughter: “What’s that?”

Dad: “Rotisserie chicken that I bought for dinner.”

Daughter: “Why does it look like that daddy? Why isn’t it in pieces like my nuggets? Is that real chicken?”

Dad: “Yes.”

Daughter: “Did it die in there, daddy?”

Dad: “Not in there, but yes, it’s dead.”

Daughter: “Ugh, and what happened to its head?”

Talking about a friend at school, 3-year old says: “Mommy, we need to flush Megan’s face!”

Mom: “What, why?”

Daughter: “Her mouth is in the potty! She has poop in her mouth because she said mean things to me!”

Mom is sitting in between two of her daughters in the back of the car. 2-year old is chewing on something.

Mom: “Did you find a crumb in your car seat?”

Daughter (laughing): “No… a boogy.”

After a while, daughter smiles and adds:

Daughter: “It’s gone now… yummy!”

Speech therapist: “Please name the picture you see and tell me something about it.”

5-year old girl: “Oh that’s a plum. Dried plums are prunes. And when mommy eats too many, she gets really bad, stinky gas.

It’s so eew, disgusting!”

4-year old daughter: Mommy, when we take an airplane to the sky, are we going to see the dead people?

Query Request

If you’re a literary agent or publisher…

While waiting at a red light, mom turns around to find her 3-year old son with his pants down and private part in hand…

Mommy: “What are you doing?!”

Son: “I’m just charging the batteries.”

Mom asks daughters what they want to be when they grow up:

5-year old: “I think I want to be a mail person.”

3-year old: “I wanna be a nose doctor.”

Mom: “Wow, a nose doctor? And what are you going to do with all the noses?”

3-year old: “Blow them.”

After breaking up a fight between her son and nephew, mom asks her 7-year old son:

Mom: Why did you punch him?!”

Son: “It was an accident!”

Mom: “How could that have been an accident?”

Son: “Well, I punched him in the stomach, but I really meant to hit him in the face!”

Do you have a personal anecdote you want to share?

Superfly Supermom can’t wait to hear from you! Feel free to also email me at